2019: A Year to Celebrate

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From all of the laughs, late night study sessions with friends, and everything else in between, 2018 in itself was revolutionary. I learned quite a bit more about who I am and the routines that worked for me. I found that prayer, even in the bad times, is a very powerful thing.  That it was okay to cry, as long as I picked myself right back up afterward. That I was a bit more allergic to hazelnuts than I thought after greedily eating a Ferrero Rocher and having my mouth dry out. Just discoveries upon discoveries.

This morning I woke up early that way I could get as much out of today as possible. I had the chance to sit and jot down my aspirations for the upcoming year and I thought I would share. I am not doing any New Year’s resolutions because let’s be honest, sometimes I get lazy and I don’t want to beat myself up over not sticking to a set plan. With that being said, here it is:

May we walk into 2019 knowing that we are worthy and loved. Let us experience more victories than loss. May we continue to make the right decisions that will lead us to become our best version of ourselves. May we receive love, prosperity, health and anything else that we desire in abundance. That we strive to love more like Jesus. May we worry less and laugh more. Procrastinate less and take more action. May we be reminded to be grateful for the things that we already have and for all of the things heading our way. For all of the blessings that we already have and have not yet received. And finally, and most importantly, to be happy. 

Thank you to whoever reads this! I hope you all have fun and safe plans to celebrate the upcoming year. Let’s soar into 2019 with a clean slate and claim our victory because 2019 will be a year to celebrate! 🙂  xo

-J’Anne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Kezee Street

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Lately I’ve been thinking about the house that my family used to live in on the corner of Kezee St. Eleven years ago to be exact. It was a large white, slightly slanted house with a torn down garage in the driveway. Our home was just down the road from my cousin’s house so we would stay gone for hours on end running around and exploring the neighborhood. I still remember the looks that we received because of how many of us there were. Sometimes there would be five  of us and other times whenever my family from across town would come visit there would be ten. I’m sure it looked funny; a herd of young Hispanic kids walking in the street. Me and my cousin, Titos, trailing along behind in the grass because we weren’t old enough to walk with the big kids.

I never would have guessed how much I would miss these moments, but here I am now sitting in my sister’s apartment, dog sitting and reminiscing back to my childhood. I’m 20 now, and sometimes it just feels so strange. I start to notice how everything around me is changing and time seems to continuously slip right through my fingers. Whenever I go back to my hometown during the holidays to visit my Aunt and walk the same paths that I would when I was younger, it feels almost like a movie. A distant memory that will forever be etched into the streets of my city.

I look over at the train tracks, then remember the countless nights sitting up in bed, not being able to sleep because of the thundering and shaking of the train as it rolled down the railway. I remember how, despite our mom’s stern insistence not to, we would put coins down to be smashed. We never knew what we would use them for, we just thought they looked neat, almost like those silver and gold talismans used in movies.

I remember the old, weather beaten shed in the back that my sister’s and I turned into a clubhouse. Friends would come and go, but all of our names painted in an old can of red spray paint would remain.

Then there was the cucumber plant that my dad planted and to this day I still have no idea if it bloomed. Maybe the person who had moved in after us or even the person after them would have found it. Either way, the mystery remains, because now the house is gone forever. It was sold to the city who would knock it down, taking all of our memories with it. Sold to someone who had no idea what it meant to the three girls who lived there eleven years earlier. The house in itself is now just a ghost.

Recently, when my sister and I drove to Kezee street during the holidays to look at the rubble, I realized that even though our memories were here, this was not our home. Our home was the feeling that would follow us to every house after that, because we were all together. This big, slightly slanted white house with the broken down garage in the driveway was home to one of the most beautiful moments in our lives and though it’s foundation has crumbled, our memories will not.


Thank you so much to whoever reads this. I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and I will be back hopefully sometime before the new year. xo

-J’Anne

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silent Winter

Silent Winter

{Short Story Series}

Making friends was never hard for Ray. Even if someone didn’t know him, they would not be able to resist his happy soul. He was light. Everyone always wanted to be around him, and the minute he would leave, they would miss his presence. He never really hung around anyone in particular, just whoever was up for an adventure that day. For instance, one cold winter night, Ray was walking down the street back to his apartment, when he noticed some people sitting around a small fire celebrating. They invited him over, and he accepted. He had talked to them like he had known them forever as they laughed and shared stories late into the night.

It had happened suddenly. He couldn’t quite remember how he had noticed her, or when, but one minute he was standing around the small trash fire with his new friends, and  the next he was going up to the edge of the street to get a better look at the girl sitting across the way at the bus stop. Continue reading “Silent Winter”

If You are Feeling Overwhelmed

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Hello everyone and welcome back. This post is going to be a little different because I just wanted to sit down and talk to you guys for a bit. There must have been a reason that you clicked on this , and whatever reason that may be just know you are not alone. Stress is normal around this time of year, especially with the plethora of things going on. Whether that be deadlines, studying, preparing for finals etc., I know because that is exactly what I am going through at the moment. So many things have been happening lately and with school on top of everything else, my life has been crazy.

I’m sorry, I am not trying to sit here and rant about how crappy my life is because that isn’t the case. My life isn’t perfect and I don’t claim for it to be, but the constant pressure from those around us to be perfect and only share the happy moments in our lives can really take a toll on you. I just feel that by sharing my experiences will not only help me, but anyone else who is in my situation.

Anyway, to get back on topic, when things start happening and our workload starts to pile up, we tend to make our situations worse by worrying and playing the victim. ( I know I do, I am super dramatic) Just remember that YOU got this! You made it to the end of the semester and that is something to celebrate. Get out of your room and call up some friends for a study date. Knock that test out of the park. Treat yourself to some coffee because you deserve it, don’t let these things take your joy away! I know I am starting to sound a bit cliché and I’m not trying to tell you that these are some magical cures to all of your problems. I get it, life is hard. Some people may not be able to get out of bed or they may not feel motivated to do anything. If this is you, please hang in there. Everything happens on your own time and , if I must say so myself, I am proud of you. You made it another day and are doing everything that you can right now. Please don’t give up, because no one has seen the best of you yet. Just give yourself time.

If you start to feel worthless because you feel like you aren’t living up to everyone else’s expectations, don’t. I struggle with this on the daily and I constantly compare myself to others about anything and everything. Just little things like this start to take a hold of me and I start to stray away from how I normally do things. I try to adopt other routines and guess what? They never work. Every time this happens I remind myself that it’s okay if I can’t do something like someone else, because I know that I can do it J’Anne’s way.  🙂 Whenever I get into this mindset of self acceptance, I realize that there is nothing wrong with doing things my way as long as I know that I tried.

It is just a slow process of getting to know yourself and getting in touch with your feelings.  Through this you slowly start to love yourself and through loving yourself you begin to find true happiness. I am still on this journey but I can say that I have come a long way from where I was a year ago. I hope that everyone of you can learn to love yourself. We need to break the stigma of sadness during the holidays because I see so many amazing people struggle and I wish that I can help. Sadly, I know that this easier said than done, but I can still try my best to be there for those that need me.

Good luck to you all and please take care of yourselves for these next couple of weeks.  ❤

-J’Anne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8:00 PM

The world after 8:00 pm is one of my favorite times. Either the atmosphere is filled with the boisterous noise of people going out for a night on the town or it is silent. I tend to like both. Part of me dreams of exploring the streets of a strange city until 2:00 am with the people that I love most, but another part of me wouldn’t mind turning in early.

On Monday nights when I am walking home from my  lab, I cannot get over how beautiful everything looks. The world around me is drenched in silvery moonlight. The roads that were once busy with traffic are now glowing with green, yellow and red hues. It just feels comfortable. The sun isn’t out to reveal my secrets, and it is just me, the moon, and the stars.


Just something short and sweet. I will be back very soon ❤

-J’Anne

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20.

20.  October 23, 2018

My day started at 5:30 am.

I wasn’t sure why, but everything just felt different. Normally, when Tuesday rolls around I tend to sleep in, but today I practically jumped out of bed. Despite the fact that it was raining, I still got up, got dressed and went out to finish the thing that I have been putting off for so long. It was strange for me but I decided to just go along with it since I felt restless and needed some fresh air.

While I was walking to the academic advisement center it had dawned on me; today is my birthday. How could I forget? I turned my phone on and saw the flood of Happy Birthday messages from my family and friends and I started to reflect back on myself. (I know, I’m sounding a little too dramatic but hear me out!) For the past 20 years, I have neglected putting myself as my top priority. All of the times that I have stayed in bed on my days off procrastinating, watching Netflix; thinking that I was taking care of myself. I wasn’t.

Now I’m not saying that I just “woke up a different person”. As much as I wish that I could change everything over night, I know that the process is much more difficult than that. I just realized that if I want to be anywhere close to the person that I want to be, I cannot stay the same. I have wasted almost half of my life being too afraid to do anything; whether that be dancing, singing obnoxiously, sharing my writing, or speaking in public, and I am tired of it. There are so many things that I want to do but those little thoughts and fears in the back of my mind hold me captive. But not anymore.


Hello to whoever is reading this! I decided to share my journal entry from this morning as a way to open up a bit more since there are quite a handful of you now. ( Technically there are only 6 of you guys right now but I am more than grateful that you have all stuck by me! 🙂 ) I still haven’t decided what I am going to do for my birthday yet, but if I do anything I will probably post it on my Instagram which is linked on my home page. Thank you so much for reading and I will be back very soon.

much love,

J’Anne ❤

October Planning: Monthly Set up

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So I decided that I was going to try something a little different this month and take on bullet journaling. I have heard many good things about bullet journaling and I am very excited to finally try it out. Now I know this isn’t a traditional way to bullet journal but I wanted to utilize resources that I already had on hand. Also, bullet journals can get kind of pricey so I wanted to test the waters a bit before I fully commit to buying one. As far as materials, I used my  .5 inch binder that I bought a couple of years back from Walmart and plain computer paper.

Break down:

  • Page 1 – Yearly spread.
  • Page 2 – Monthly spread.
  • Page 3 – Weekly spread.
  • Page 4 – Gratitude list.

On the first page I set up a yearly spread for the rest of 2018. It is simple yet practical and I liked the idea of having the rest of the year set out before me.

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Then for the next page, I have a monthly layout with sections for important dates, a sleep tracker, Blog schedules, monthly expenses and a space to write down books that I will read.

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Next I set up a weekly spread. In this space I will be jotting down last-minute tasks, lunch dates, assignment dates, etc. Also at the bottom I scribbled down my daily morning routine that I have been following lately.

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And then finally for the last page of this month’s set up, I have dedicated one full page to my gratitude list. I have noticed that writing down the things that I am grateful for really have a positive impact on me, and I wanted to find a way to better incorporate them into my daily routine. If you don’t have a gratitude list already, I highly recommend that you make one.

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All in all, I feel like this set up is convenient and will help me stay on task. I will definitely be making some adjustments here and there and experiment with different set ups, but as of right now this is what I’m working with. That’s it for now! I hope this helped in some way and I will be posting again very soon. xo

-J’Anne

 

If You are Having a Hard Time

I am a part of an organization on campus that participated in world suicide prevention week. We did this activity where we had people come and leave encouraging words on sticky notes and they were free to take as many as they needed. I never expected so many people to leave such loving and encouraging messages and the conversations that I held with some people have been sitting heavy on my heart.

 

World Suicide Prevention

It hurts me to know that so many people are suffering and I feel like I am not doing enough to help. I cannot begin to imagine the battles that everyone goes through, whether it be out loud or in private. I just wanted to be here to say that if you are having a hard time please reach out to someone and let them know how you are feeling. You may think you are insignificant, but you never know who needs to hear your story.

I also wanted to include this playlist that I put together if you need it:

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A Rainy Thought

You are probably sitting in your dorm or your apartment right now, staring out the window while it is raining. You feel suffocated so you step outside, just for a second, to feel the rain on your skin. You close your eyes and let the raindrops cascade over your hands.  Then it hits you how much you miss them. Whether that be a lover, an old friend, or perhaps a family member, you can’t shake that feeling of loneliness from being in a new city without them. Your eyes become heavy with tears as you long for that familiarity that you were so comfortable with. Then reality sets back in and you step back inside. You change your clothes, take a shower and then settle back in to get ready for the long night ahead of you. Homework; the paper that is due next week that you have convinced yourself you have to finish tonight in order to have time for even more work.

Then you ask yourself ‘What am I doing here?’ Is this really how I want to live the rest of my life?

Suddenly everything comes into perspective and you pick up the phone to call your parents. They answer at the first ring and your body begins to fill up with warmth as you hear their voices. They are so excited because you haven’t called in weeks and they say that it’s nice to get a call out of the blue. They tell you about their day, how the weather is back home; What everyone else has been up to. They even send you pictures of the two of them sitting with the family dog, Rosy, and it makes you smile. You want to tell them how much they mean to you, and how they are the reason  you get to pursue your dream. Instead you just let them talk and you don’t dare interrupt. You want to stay in this moment of euphoria with them forever, because you know they will interject anyway with their stories.  Besides, they  already know what you were going to say. The three of you speak for just a little over two hours until they tell you goodbye and wish you the best of luck in school. They make plans to come and visit the following weekend and then end the call.  You immediately clear your plans for that weekend, put down your laptop and then look out of the window. It is still raining. Somehow the rain tends to always remind you of the most important things in life, and you think that maybe, just maybe, it had rained just for you.

 


 

Hello again! Today has been one of those days where it has been raining all day long and I am loving it. Classes were cancelled because of Labor Day so I decided to take a little break from homework and write. This was written in a little under fifteen minutes so I apologize if it sounds a little rushed; I just really wanted to put this up today. Thank you so much to anyone who reads this and make sure to reach out to someone that you love. I wish you all a happy Labor Day and I will be back soon!

-J’Anne